There are so many emotions that come with motherhood. Love, joy, fear, and the list goes on and on. One emotion I wasn't expecting and has at times felt crippling, is guilt. Guilt that I am not being a good Mom. There is this idea of the ideal Mom, but no one even knows what that really means. In America we have this term "Super Mom" and it's like a badge every Mom would like to wear. It shines of independence, self-assurance, self-sufficiency, and this "I've got it all together smile." (not to mention nursing, cloth diapers, organic food….on and on).
Where did this come from? Why do we beat ourselves up when we can't live up to this?
This past Sunday, I was at the home of a new friend. She is a little different than most of my friends because she lives only with her husband and son. Usually after marriage a women moves in with her husband's family. Anyways, I was very curious what is was like for her after she gave birth to her son. What was life like for a women who lives alone in this culture raising her child. You know what she told me? She went to her mother's house for six months!!
Living in another culture gives me the opportunity to view motherhood not only through my American lens, but also through the eyes of women in India. Here when a woman has a baby, she is surrounded by a group of women. Her mother, mother-in-law, sister-in-laws…not to mentions aunts, cousins, and grandparents. This idea of figuring out motherhood on her own does not exist here. The idea of reading a book to know how to take care of your baby doesn't exist here. Why would you read a book when you are surrounding by women who have done it themselves, often multiple times. The idea that a women should be able to hold a screaming baby, make a bottle, and cook dinner all at the same time…is frankly CRAZY and overwhelming.
Of course, this happens much more naturally here because most people(or at least most people that I live around) live with their extended families. So, there are helpers already built into your life.
So, what is the point you ask? The point is that there is no "Super Mom." You may see her Facebook statuses or pictures of her looking beautiful and holding her equally beautiful baby…but she is struggling, just like every new Mom that has wondered when she will ever sleep or shave her legs again.
Independent, self-assured, and self-sufficient might have been the old face of "Super Mom," but I want to learn from my Indian sisters and embrace interdependence, vulnerability, and community. So, all you new Moms out there(mostly the ones living in the West feeling like you can't "do it all") most women in the world frankly…don't. They don't do it all, and neither should you. Forget "Super Mom" and just love the heck out of that baby and ask for help…a lot!
*here is a selfie of my beautiful self, with my beautiful baby, haha ;)
Where did this come from? Why do we beat ourselves up when we can't live up to this?
This past Sunday, I was at the home of a new friend. She is a little different than most of my friends because she lives only with her husband and son. Usually after marriage a women moves in with her husband's family. Anyways, I was very curious what is was like for her after she gave birth to her son. What was life like for a women who lives alone in this culture raising her child. You know what she told me? She went to her mother's house for six months!!
Living in another culture gives me the opportunity to view motherhood not only through my American lens, but also through the eyes of women in India. Here when a woman has a baby, she is surrounded by a group of women. Her mother, mother-in-law, sister-in-laws…not to mentions aunts, cousins, and grandparents. This idea of figuring out motherhood on her own does not exist here. The idea of reading a book to know how to take care of your baby doesn't exist here. Why would you read a book when you are surrounding by women who have done it themselves, often multiple times. The idea that a women should be able to hold a screaming baby, make a bottle, and cook dinner all at the same time…is frankly CRAZY and overwhelming.
Of course, this happens much more naturally here because most people(or at least most people that I live around) live with their extended families. So, there are helpers already built into your life.
So, what is the point you ask? The point is that there is no "Super Mom." You may see her Facebook statuses or pictures of her looking beautiful and holding her equally beautiful baby…but she is struggling, just like every new Mom that has wondered when she will ever sleep or shave her legs again.
Independent, self-assured, and self-sufficient might have been the old face of "Super Mom," but I want to learn from my Indian sisters and embrace interdependence, vulnerability, and community. So, all you new Moms out there(mostly the ones living in the West feeling like you can't "do it all") most women in the world frankly…don't. They don't do it all, and neither should you. Forget "Super Mom" and just love the heck out of that baby and ask for help…a lot!
*here is a selfie of my beautiful self, with my beautiful baby, haha ;)
This is beautiful and so true. What a refreshing perspective. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGeorgia
It's the Lord's grace for you that you're learning this early on in your mothering journey, you will be thankful He is revealing these areas to you as you take care of your little one over the years!
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