Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Day My Assumptions Were Wrong

One of our favorite things about Austin, Texas is that it is filled with so many people that celebrate adoption. Along with all the great Mexican food :)

When we moved to India, I wasn't really sure what people here would think about adoption and how they would respond to us pursuing adoption. In the beginning it was pretty rough. Many people we talked to about adoption could not understand why we would adopt a child that wasn't "our own". One lady told me that she would take me to a Durga (the tomb of a saint where people go to pray) because when she had trouble getting pregnant she went to a Durga and then she got pregnant. I didn't have enough language at the time to explain to her that I had not tried to get pregnant and not been able to, but that adoption is our first choice. Or to explain that we don't pray to saints. Another man told me that we are much to young to be adopting right now. Surely, we could go to a doctor and he could help us. Again, misunderstood.

These and a few other conversations had gotten me pretty discouraged and I had decided I just needed to grow some thick skin and not expect anyone to be supportive. I wanted to protect myself from what people thought about me and about us adopting.

Fast forward 3 or 4 months and our adoption stuff is moving forward. A few weeks ago, during language, having kids(and our lack of kids after 3 years of marriage) came up with both of our language nurturers at separate times. Just as a side note, you know how in America it is considered rude or intrusive to ask a couple when they are planning on having kids or why they don't have kids? Well, here in India that is not the case AT ALL, not rude, not intrusive. In fact, pretty much everyone we meet as soon as we meet them asks us why we don't have kids yet. Anyways, we explained to both our language nurturers that we wanted to adopt a baby and we are in the process of getting a baby from a different country that will be our own child. I braced myself for the why, the confusion, the judgement ect...oh my, I was totally wrong. They wanted to know why and what exactly it meant. One of our language nurturers asked if once the kid was 18 they wouldn't be our kid anymore. When we told him "no way." He said this is very good, this is the best way. Our other language nurturer told us that she had secretly always dreamed of adopting a baby and was really excited for us. I was totally surprised and totally overwhelmed with thankfulness that God placed both of these people in our lives that are genuinely excited about our baby. A week later one of our language nurturers wanted to know how long the process of adoption takes and he wanted it to go faster. He also said he wants to help us in any way we need to get our house ready for a home-study. Pretty awesome, and I realized that God really has no desire for me to try to grow tough skin. Actually, Jesus continually had tenderness and compassion. I don't think he was much of an advocate of that whole grow tough skin stuff....

Friday, September 14, 2012

Update on Baby Hartsfield

We got approved by our adoption agency and have been working hard at getting stuff filled out and sent in.  SO.MUCH.PAPERWORK!  So far we have been really pleased with our agency, they are really great at helping us and answering all of our random questions.

Because we are working with an agency that is in America they will send a case worker to our home here in India.  He is planning on coming  in mid October.  Thankfully, there is another family in Sri Lanka who is also in the process and we will get to split the costs of this trip with them and potentially another family.  

We are so excited and nervous about the home study.  I had a little freak out because our apartment only has one bedroom and the home that our case worker comes and approves is the one you have to be living in when you finally get your child.  So, I started panicking that our house would not pass a home study because we don't have a separate room specifically for the baby.  We emailed him and he told us that is fine.  Our living area is really big and we are planning on partitioning a part of it off as the baby's room.   

Even though I was relieved, I have been feeling really bothered by the thought that we don't have a room for our baby.  I had this "American" picture in my head of a cute little baby room...that is a totally different post I should write on expectations and things I think I need. So, yeah it has been a little rough for me wanting a "better, nicer" house.  

In the midst of my "house is no good" crisis, a couple girlfriends came to visit for my birthday. They were awesome.  They reassured/convinced me that my house is actually great and making a home for a baby is not about some cute baby room.  Funny how quickly and dramatically I forgot that.  Girlfriends who can speak truth to you are the greatest!

That's the latest on baby Hartsfield!!  Can't wait for that sweet little thing to be a part of our family.