2012 Review

Wow, I can't believe this year is over.  It has been a very different year than I expected.  Last year I wrote this, so I thought I would do it again.  Hope you enjoy a little overview of my year.

1.  What did you do in 2012 that you have never done before?

-lived with a Muslim Indian family of 8 in a 2 room house
-bought a scooter
-had a washing machine(first time in married life)
-got my nose pierced
-rode an elephant in the jungle
-lived over 8 months in a city where Ryan and I are the only westerners

2.  Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for this year?

-Ummm, not really a new year's resolution kinda girl, so nope didn't keep them and nope won't make more this year.  I think there is a lot of wisdom in what this guy says about resolutions.

3.  What countries did you visit?

-Thailand twice.  Once for a language learning training(outside of Bangkok) and once for a conference(outside of Chaing Mai).

4.  What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

- deeper friendships with Indian women
- a generator for the hot summer to keep from melting!!
- babies...

5.  What dates will remain etched in your memory from 2012 and why?  There are so many, but here are a few that stand out right now.

- March
  the day the mother in our bonding family took my face in her hands and told me they would be my family on Easter, because I was missing my family so much

-April
  the day we finally found a flat to live in!  after searching for a month, I thought we would never find a place

  we went to a two week language learning training.  it was amazing, i learned so much more than just a method to learn a new language.  it was refreshing and inspiring.  unfortunately, Ryan got some crazy rash on the back of his leg...!

-June
  we had some friends come spend some time in our city checking out if they wanted to move here.  it was so fun showing them around and spending time with people from our church, even if it was blazing hot!

-July
  went back to Thailand and got to meet a lot of new people and spend time with friends from PA.  was so fun to catch up with them.

- August
  Rhett came to India!!  our first family member to come visit us.  it was awesome because he is a pretty awesome guy, we are trying to get him to come back permanently!

  our first Ramadan.  we had a great time breaking the fast with friends.  so many people were so inviting, i don't think i cooked dinner one time that month ;)

  our first Eid.  this is the festival at the end of Ramadan.  again, so much fun with friends and SO.MUCH.FOOD!

-September
  our friends that live in our city had their first born son in America.  he only lived a few minutes before going to be with Jesus.  it was so hard to be so far from them on that day, but i will always remember hearing the news while sitting in a hotel in delhi.  you can read about their journey here.

-October
  after a year of not seeing each other, my Mom came to India!  oh my goodness, my heart was so happy.  i loved every second of her being here. i didn't want her to leave, but was oh so thankful for the time she was here.

  going to a wedding with our neighbors.  it was the most fun day we have had in India.  we spent the day(in between the important wedding stuff) playing at the Ganges with our friends.  so fun!

6.  What was your biggest achievement of the year?

-...umm we passed our home study.  that was a GREAT achievement that brings us one step closer to baby Hartsfield.

7.  What was your biggest failure?

-this question is tricky.  there is a lot this past year that i have felt like a failure in.  my biggest regret, not sure i would call it a failure, because failure seems so final, is that i was/still am so timid to put myself out there in trying to speak Hindi/Urdu.  i have this gross tendency to want to look smart and that has caused me to not try to speak knowing i will look dumb.  pride and fear....gross combination, i know.

8.  Did you suffer illness or injury?

-had some stomach illnesses, but hey that is life in India...right?

9.  What was the best thing you bought?

-washing machine :)  so boring, huh?
-scooter, it is so much easier and faster to get places now.  i do have a love/hate relationship with the scooter.  i didn't know you could have so much fun and feel so freaked out at the same time.  traffic in india is crazy.
-vegetable chopper, seriously it makes chopping veggies so much better....
-microwave.  the convection kind that you can make cookies in.  we don't have an oven, so this was a great purchase

i see a household item theme....i feel old...

10.  Where did most of your money go?

-adoption
-to the above items
-plane tickets, train tickets
-a deposit on our apartment

11.  What did you get really excited about?

-adoption and getting closer to bringing our little one home, even thought the paper work feels never ending....
-being able to understand and communicate deeper things with friends here in a their language.  being able to understand their stories
-monsoon season...the summer was hot yall!


12.  What song will always remind you of 2012?

-"For Your Splendor" by Christy Nockels.  this year was extremely challenging personally and for friends in our life.  this song continuously spoke to me in a deep way.
- "Some Nights" by Fun.  this was our pump ourselves up song.  so much time spent dancing to this song.

13.  Compared to this time last year are you:

-happier or sadder?  honestly...probably sadder.  the last 8 months have been a pretty lonely time.
-thinner or fatter?  hmmm not really sure.  probably a little fatter right now, haven't had stomach problems for a while :0
-richer or poorer?  richer, baby!!

14.  What do you wish you would have done more of?

-pushed myself to speak more in all those hours of language learning
-danced more with my hubby(that stinking long hot summer prohibits some of my desire to dance)

15.  What do you wish you would have done less of?

-being self-critical.  feeling like i should be better or doing better at language/adjustment stuff

16.  How did you spend Christmas?

-ate some chocolate chip muffins then headed to the train station.  we were planning on a 4 hour train ride to visit some friends, but it turned into a 3 hour wait at the station and a 15 hour train ride....dang fog!

17.  What was your favorite TV program?

-i know we are totally behind, but we started watching the office from season 1.  i love it.  michael is so hilarious and i love jim and pam(like i wish we could hang out with them)

18.  What were your favorite books?  this year i had a bad habit of starting books i thought i "should" read and then getting bored with them, but some of my favs were:

-Jesus Storybook Bible.  i know this isn't really a "book", it is a children's bible, but it is so good!
-The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh
-Luke for Everyone by NT Wright
-Saturday Nothing by Josh Martin
-Speaking of Jesus by Carl Medearis
-The Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning
-Anything by Jennie Allen
-MWF seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche
-Simply Jesus by NT Wright

I am currently reading-
-Tempted and Tried by Russell Moore
-Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parent Knew


19.  What was your favorite music from this year?

-Andrew Peterson's new CD
-Fun
-Austin Stone's Christmas CD
-Christy Nockels new CD
-Chelsea Moon
-The Civil Wars,
-Gungor
-Phil Wickham

-i'm always wanting suggestions for new CD's esp since we live out of America now!!! suggest away.

20.  What were your favorite films this year?

-oh man, we only saw a couple movies when we were in delhi.  our theatre in our city only shows movies in Hindi.
-Argo was good
-counting down the days til Les Mis comes to Delhi....

21.  What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

- THIRTY!!
- two girlfriends from delhi came to visit for the weekend and we went to pizza hut with my language helper and her mom.  great fun!
-got my nose pierced :)
- Ryan had some of my closest friends send me video messages for me to watch on my birthday and some written messages.  he had them answer certain question about me.  he then organized us to skype with his family and my family and he had asked them to answer the same questions.  it was really special.  so thankful he did that and so thankful for such great friends and family.

22.  What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

-i loved the opportunities we have had to grown in friendship with locals, but having a community of Jesus followers would have been a great thing.

23.  How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

-haha, bright colors.  actually, in a lot of ways i just bought close quickly because i had to get a whole new wardrobe.  now, i am more aware of the styles here and hopefully this year i can grow into my own American living in India style ;)

24.  What kept you sane?

-Ryan-words can't express how amazing he is and how patient he is with me
-Family
-Friends
-Skype
-the mall with an AC during the summer when our power was out
-lots and lots of God's grace and remembering how Jesus experienced everything we have experienced

25.  What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012?

- i can't do things in my own strength, not matter how hard i try.  

Dear 2012, you were a lot more difficult than I expected and I am sure there are things that we experienced that may take many years to understand, but God has been faithful and he has given us exactly what we needed exactly when we needed it.  Bring on 2013 :)

-

 

Living in the Longing

Living in India definitely has its perks.  The opportunity to learn a new language(on good days I call it an opportunity, some days not so much :/), new friends, a simpler life,  yummy food, vacationing in places like Thailand, Nepal, and Sri Lanka.  There is much about my life to be thankful for and much that many people would love to experience.  However, one thing I was not quite prepared for in moving here, was the longing I would feel.  The longing for things to be made right, for women to be equal, for kids to have clean drinking water, for orphans to have a warm blanket(not to mention a family who loves them!!).  My heart has learned to long for many things while living in India.

Christmas brings out the deep, personal longings.  In ways that make me want to not get out of bed and cry a lot. I know that the whole deal with Christmas is about how hope has come, Jesus has come and what wonderful news that is and the hope that he is coming again brings even greater joy.  Yet we live in the in between.  Oh that in between time, I feel like I am always talking about it, always thinking about how it is a beautiful yet dreadful time, full of hope and full of longing.

This Christmas there were deeper longings than I have felt in a long time.  This is not my first Christmas away from family or in a different country, but this year it just felt deeper.  I long to cuddle up on the couch with my nephew and watch "It's a Wonderful Life" or who am I kidding, that would probably be boring to him(he's only 4).  Anyways, he would pick a Christmas moving and we would snuggle on my Mom's couch and drink hot chocolate and eat chocolate chip cookies.  I long to sing Christmas carols with my Memee.  She always wanted to sing Christmas carols on Christmas eve and it was always awkward trying to sing acapella when we are not exactly a musical family.  But,  I would hold her hand and sing my heart out and she would tell me I am the best singer she has ever heard.  And she would mean it.  I long to help my brother set up all the toys for Christmas morning for my nephew.  I know he hates all the instructions on how to put those toys together and I would help him..err Ryan would do it and I would keep them company.  I long to sit around that big wooden table Ryan's Dad made for his Mom so many years ago.  We would talk about marriage, relationships, intimacy, and how aloneness is so bad.  I would even drink a little coffee along with everyone else this year.  Then I would ask my bro-in-law question after question about girls in his life and he would pretend like it annoys him, but I know he likes it.  I long to sit around my Mom's house with some of my best girlfriends.  Hold their new babies, talk about husbands or boyfriends or how guys are jerks, and how much life has changed in the last year, and remember how we are best friends because even if we don't see each other or even talk that much (because lets be honest, I am a horrible long distance friend) it is so easy to pick back up.  My heart longs....

I used to think longing was a bad thing.  I thought that if you were really walking with God then you should always feel content and that longing meant you probably had some kind of sin in your life or something.  I don't believe that anymore.  We are living in the longing time.  That is what Christmas is all about that Jesus came into the world and we are longing for him to come back.  So Christmas looked really different and not really in a good way, but thats okay.  This year I grab that cup of longing and take it in both of my hands and drink deeply, because in the longing we remember we are still alive.  Our work here is not finished.  One day it will be and we will no longer live in the longing, but for now we do and we say, "Come Lord Jesus, come". 

Top 10 Question People Ask Us

Before we moved to India, we came to visit for about 10 days.  After we returned our friends and family had so many question about what life is like here in India.  Now that we live here, we get so many questions about what our lives are like and what our lives in America were like.  I thought I would share the top ten questions we get asked.  We get asked most of these on a weekly basis, some daily!

A little context for those of you who are new readers.  We live in India(a Hindu majority country) however, the area we live in is a Muslim area.  All of our friends and neighbors are Muslims so these questions are coming from that point of view.  I cover my head out of respect for the people we live among.  I assume if we lived in a different area of the city the questions might be different, but I think many of them would be the same.  I am not in any way making fun of these questions.  I am appreciative that people ask questions instead of making assumptions.  I believe you can learn a lot about people by the questions they ask.

In no particular order here are the top 10 questions:

1.  Do people in America wear the same kind of cloths as us?  
A.  No, only Indian people who live in America wear Indian cloths.  However, they are extremely comfortable.

2.  Do you have kids?
A.  No
Immediate follow up question:  Why not?
A.  We have been waiting to have kids.  We are now in the process of adoption.  This leads to many more questions.  One of those questions usually being, "what is wrong with you?"

3.  How long have you been married?  (this is always connected with the kids question)
A.  3 years

4.  Was your marriage arranged or love?
A.  It was half and half.  Our close family friends introduced us to one another because they thought we would be a good match and then we fell in love.

5.  Do you know how to cook?
A.  Yes
Immediate follow up:  What do you cook?  Do you cook roti(flat bread)?
A.  I cook a lot of different things from recipes.  People in America don't eat roti except in Indian restaurants(this is one of the most shocking answers of all)
Immediate follow up:  If you don't eat roti, how do you ever get full?
A.  I don't know :)

6.  Are you from Kashmir(North India)?  People in Kashmir are lighter skinned and cover their heads.
A.  No, we are from America.

7.  Where are you from?
A.  America

8.  Are you a muslim?
A.  No, we are followers of Jesus(Isa al Masih).  

9.  Did you learn Hindi in school in America?
A.  No, I wish!!

**10.  I have never been asked this question, but Ryan gets asked it quite often.  Is sex free in America?  (not sure all that is behind that question)
A.  No, why do you ask that?

There you have it, a glimpse into the questions that are in a part of our regular life.  There are many other questions, some funny, some sad,  and some very thought provoking.  If you live close to, or work with people from other countries, I encourage you to to ask questions and break down those walls of misunderstanding.  Many things would change in the world if we started asking good questions and listening to each other's answers.  

Joy and Courage

I like to write, I like to share my thoughts on here and honestly I like to get feedback.  Maybe it is because I am living with my husband as the only westerners in a city of 5 million and I want some kinda of camaraderie that comes from this blog, or maybe I just like attention...  Anyways, there are times when blog posts or ideas float around in my head for awhile.  They are usually about what I am learning at the time.

This is one of those posts.  It has taken me a long time to write because although I hope I am learning these things, I am a slow learner which leads me to think I am not actually learning.  I don't want to be a fraud or a fake, but then I thought, "we are all walking and stumbling and trying again, that is why Jesus is so beautiful and grace is so amazing."

There are two words that I have been praying over my life right now.  I've never really done that before, but these words keep coming up in my mind and so I think it is most likely from God.  I also find the opposite of these two words chasing after me, so the best thing I know to do is either pray or eat chocolate and cry.  Sometimes, I do both or all three.

I long to be full of two things right now:

Joy and Courage

Joy and Courage

Joy and Courage

Still working out what that means everyday.  How do you live with joy when things don't go the way you planned or expected?  How do you live with joy when people around you are suffering and hopeless?  What does it mean to be full of courage?  How do you walk in courage and humility?

These are the things floating around in my head and heart.  These are the things God is working out in me.  I wish I could wrap this blog up with a nice ending, but there is no ending right now.  We are in the waiting...in the learning...and that is an okay place to be.

Come, Lord Jesus and bring your Kingdom!

PS:  I wish I had some cool art work to hang on my walls with the words Joy and Courage.  Any ideas?

Clinging to Thankfulness

More often than I would like to admit I find myself wanting things I don't have.  Or wanting more of the things I do have.  My Mom has left and with her leaving came lots of tears and that nagging feeling of being alone.  Not that I don't have Ryan and not that he isn't pretty much the most kind, genuine, patient, and caring person I have ever met, seriously.  BUT, we are made for community(which means multiple people) and there was something about having my Mom close by that made life a little more comfortable.  Someone else's shoulder to cry on and help me process my craziness/insecurities.  It's not really fair that usually R has to do this alone(poor guy!), so it was awesome having both of my favorites living under the same roof!

The night before my Mom left, I found myself wide awake thinking about our month together.  The thought of waiting another year before being with my Mom again began to weigh heavily on my heart.  I could feel that burning in my throat that comes before the tears so I started praying.  God began to speak to my heart there in that hotel room in Delhi.  I am not sure if I have always been like this, or if just lately I have had the tendency to dwell on the difficult.  Ugh, pessimist!  I dwell on how hard life is, how much I miss my friends and family, how much I miss Mexican food, ect.  I have forgotten to remember(is that a weird sentence..."forgotten to remember") all the good things that God has done.  I guess that is why over and over the scriptures constantly call us to remember the things God has done for his people.  In light of that, I am clinging to thankfulness.  I want to remember! Here are some of the things I am thankful for(some serious, some not so serious).

1.  I am thankful for my Mom being here to help us get our house ready for our home study(cleaning and decorating) and thankful for her presence and comfort when we found out the wait is going to be much longer than we expected.  

2.  I am thankful for the first time my Mom tried on Indian cloths.  It consisted of us both almost on the floor of the dressing room laughing because the pants were so huge on her.  

3.  I am thankful for our hours upon hours of Facebook stalking together.  Ah, Facebook, what would we do without you? 

4.  I am thankful my Mom got to meet all our friends and how special she became to them.  

5.  I am thankful that my Mom has walked the streets we walk, rode the rickshaws we ride, and eaten the food we eat.  She understands where we live now.  

6.  I am thankful she washed our dishes...EVERY day!

7.  I am thankful she was able to stay a whole month.  I mean who really gets to do that and still keep their job??  

8.  I am thankful she got to go to a wedding with us and experience our favorite day with our Indian friends.  

9.  I am thankful that on that same day, when I put her on a motorcycle with some guy that I don't know, she ended up at that wedding in one piece :)

10.  I am thankful she was healthy the whole time she was here...unfortunately she wasn't when she got home.  But, thankful she had her bathroom with her western toilet to be sick in.  Ugh, horrible!

11.  I am thankful that although there were mice in her presence at different times(i.e. in the same room), she was unaware they were close by.  :)

12.  I am thankful she has such an adventurous spirit and is willing to try almost anything.

I could go on and on but most of all:

13.  I am so thankful to have a Mom that loves so unconditionally,  is continuously encouraging, and is one of the best listeners I know. 


Although my emotions tempt me to forget, I am praying God gives me the strength to cling to thankfulness.

The day we went to a wedding in a village

We went to our first village wedding a week or so ago.  Weddings here are a huge undertaking.  Lots of money is spent on food, dowry, cloths, jewelry, ect.  I decided instead of trying to write about it, I would post a photo blog.  So here is the wedding day in pictures:

The girl in the corner is the bride.  Mom got to ride to the village on the back of a motorcycle, while I walked.  This was before I arrived.  For most of the day, the bride sat in this corner as different women came in to see her.  Half way through the day, she turned and faced the wall with her back to all the women.  She told me she was very nervous about the day.  Her eyes were constantly on the verge of tears.

Men cooking lots of tandoori roti(bread that is made in a clay pit type thing).  Hundreds of guests came and ate for the wedding.

Eating buffalo, bread, and rice(so tasty!)  My friends also made me wear this bring lipstick, apparently my make-up was lacking a bit.

The groom arriving on a horse.  He is covered in flowers and surrounded by drums and his family, announcing his coming.

The man with the short beard is our neighbor who invited us to his distant relative's daughter's wedding.

The groom's family and guy friends are wearing the orange scarves.  They meet the bride's family and place flowers around their necks.

Exchanging greetings and flowers.

The groom on his decorated horse.

Everyone eagerly watching the groom's arrival.

Mom and I were given flowers.

The groom.

Our neighbor's son and his cousin.

Some dressed up cuties on the groom's side.

The groom surrounded by women in his family and gifts.

The Mullah(a muslim man educated in Islamic law and theology) performing the Nikah(the wedding ceremony) with the groom.

Mom and me :)

The Mullah performs the Nikah separately with the bride.  She is behind the sheet.

Men in with the groom.

The Mullah recited the Quran in the groom's room.

Men listening to the Mullah reciting the Quran.

There is a huge break here (maybe 2 hours), in which we went to the Ganges river with the family who invited us.  That is a blog post all on it's own.  Ryan and I would both rate that experience as the most fun we have had with an Indian family here.  Such a fun time.  So after playing at the river for a while, we returned as the bride was getting ready to leave.  I think the bride was getting ready during the time we were gone.  

In Indian culture almost all weddings are arranged.  This means that a girl is leaving her family to join a new family that she usually doesn't know.  She has grown up surrounded by her family, many times sleeping in the same room with her sisters and so leaving is a very sad time for her.  The bride here is sobbing as she says good-bye to her family members.  It was so sad.

The groom is standing in the middle with the black outfit on.  He waits as his new bride clings to her family.

After a while, the bride was sobbing so hard one of her relatives picked her up to take her and put her in the car.  

The bride and groom are both in the car, but at this point have still not spoken or seen one another.  They will return to the groom's parent's home, where they will meet for the first time as husband and wife.

The car is packed full of the groom's family.

There they go, my heart broke a little for this young bride and she left everything she has ever known.  She will visit her family in a few days, but everything will change for her.  She will now spend her days as a wife and most of her time with be spent with her new mother-in-law and sisters....

I pray God blesses their marriage and their family and makes them a blessing to those with whom they live.

The day we went to our neighbors house to watch a sacrifice

Last weekend in between having our home study interviews, we were busy visiting our friends as they celebrated one of the biggest holidays in the Muslim world, Eid al Adha.  In India it is called Buckra Eid.(Buckra means Goat).

  During Buckra Eid, animals are sacrificed in rememberance of God providing a sacrifice for Abraham(Ibrahim)'s son.

  During the days leading up to Buckra Eid, the streets of our city where filled with goats and buffalo.  In India(or at least in our state) it is illegal to kill cows so no cows are sacrificed here.  We also heard about camels being sacrificed, but we didn't see any in our area.

  While Rhett was visiting in August we met a family that lives across the street from us, and have begun to spend time with them.  They are so kind and generous and invited us to come over when they sacrificed their buffalo.

  They told us they were going to sacrifice around 9am and so we set our alarms and planned to shower and get ready to be there by 9.  Well, around 7:30am the daughter called and excitedly told us to come at 8am.  We scrambled to get ready as she called every 10 minutes or so telling us to hurry up!  We walked into their courtyard around 9 just seconds after the sacrifice.  R was pretty bummed.  I was a little relieved that I had missed seeing this huge animal sacrificed as the blood ran around my feet.  (Have I mentioned my Mom is here??)  Yeah, I think she was a little relieved as well.  Mom and I went upstairs to watch as the butchers cut up the buffalo, while R stayed downstairs with the men.  The animal is divided into 3 parts:  one for the family, one for friends or relatives, and one for the poor.  By around 10:30am we were eating some of the buffalo.

  I am an East Texas girl and have many close friends who are hunters, however, my Dad was not a hunter and I wasn't really exposed that much to skinning and cleaning of animals.  It was a little overwhelming for me.  Everywhere we went for three days there were buffalo and goats on the sides of the streets being sacrificed and goat skins for sale.

  We did have many good conversations with friends about the meaning of Buckra Eid and we long to understand even more what this sacrifice means for our friends and neighbors.  Many of  wondered if we would sacrifice a goat.  We tried to explain that we don't do Qurbani (sacrifice) because Jesus was and is our ultimate sacrifice.

  One thing I really love about the holidays around here is all the hugging.  In this culture, hugging is not an everyday thing(which makes me pretty sad), but during both the Eid after Ramadan and Buckra Eid everyone greets each other with a hug and greeting.  I love it!

  There are so many more things to say about Buckra Eid and our friends and neighbors, but I will leave you with some pictures....

  Oh, btw R did get to see a total sacrifice the next day.  He even has video if you want to watch....it is extremely graphic.  The head of the family makes the first cut while reciting a blessing, then the butchers finish everything.

WARNING:  These are GRAPHIC!!

Buffalo and goats for sale

Our neighbors courtyard after they had sacrificed the buffalo(see my Mom in the back ground?)

watching from upstairs

All the kids of the family(this house has 3 brothers and their families that all live together)

This is on the street in front of our language nurturers home

There is a tent set up where people can buy a buffalo and have it sacrificed there in the tent