The Day My Assumptions Were Wrong

One of our favorite things about Austin, Texas is that it is filled with so many people that celebrate adoption. Along with all the great Mexican food :)

When we moved to India, I wasn't really sure what people here would think about adoption and how they would respond to us pursuing adoption. In the beginning it was pretty rough. Many people we talked to about adoption could not understand why we would adopt a child that wasn't "our own". One lady told me that she would take me to a Durga (the tomb of a saint where people go to pray) because when she had trouble getting pregnant she went to a Durga and then she got pregnant. I didn't have enough language at the time to explain to her that I had not tried to get pregnant and not been able to, but that adoption is our first choice. Or to explain that we don't pray to saints. Another man told me that we are much to young to be adopting right now. Surely, we could go to a doctor and he could help us. Again, misunderstood.

These and a few other conversations had gotten me pretty discouraged and I had decided I just needed to grow some thick skin and not expect anyone to be supportive. I wanted to protect myself from what people thought about me and about us adopting.

Fast forward 3 or 4 months and our adoption stuff is moving forward. A few weeks ago, during language, having kids(and our lack of kids after 3 years of marriage) came up with both of our language nurturers at separate times. Just as a side note, you know how in America it is considered rude or intrusive to ask a couple when they are planning on having kids or why they don't have kids? Well, here in India that is not the case AT ALL, not rude, not intrusive. In fact, pretty much everyone we meet as soon as we meet them asks us why we don't have kids yet. Anyways, we explained to both our language nurturers that we wanted to adopt a baby and we are in the process of getting a baby from a different country that will be our own child. I braced myself for the why, the confusion, the judgement ect...oh my, I was totally wrong. They wanted to know why and what exactly it meant. One of our language nurturers asked if once the kid was 18 they wouldn't be our kid anymore. When we told him "no way." He said this is very good, this is the best way. Our other language nurturer told us that she had secretly always dreamed of adopting a baby and was really excited for us. I was totally surprised and totally overwhelmed with thankfulness that God placed both of these people in our lives that are genuinely excited about our baby. A week later one of our language nurturers wanted to know how long the process of adoption takes and he wanted it to go faster. He also said he wants to help us in any way we need to get our house ready for a home-study. Pretty awesome, and I realized that God really has no desire for me to try to grow tough skin. Actually, Jesus continually had tenderness and compassion. I don't think he was much of an advocate of that whole grow tough skin stuff....

Update on Baby Hartsfield

We got approved by our adoption agency and have been working hard at getting stuff filled out and sent in.  SO.MUCH.PAPERWORK!  So far we have been really pleased with our agency, they are really great at helping us and answering all of our random questions.

Because we are working with an agency that is in America they will send a case worker to our home here in India.  He is planning on coming  in mid October.  Thankfully, there is another family in Sri Lanka who is also in the process and we will get to split the costs of this trip with them and potentially another family.  

We are so excited and nervous about the home study.  I had a little freak out because our apartment only has one bedroom and the home that our case worker comes and approves is the one you have to be living in when you finally get your child.  So, I started panicking that our house would not pass a home study because we don't have a separate room specifically for the baby.  We emailed him and he told us that is fine.  Our living area is really big and we are planning on partitioning a part of it off as the baby's room.   

Even though I was relieved, I have been feeling really bothered by the thought that we don't have a room for our baby.  I had this "American" picture in my head of a cute little baby room...that is a totally different post I should write on expectations and things I think I need. So, yeah it has been a little rough for me wanting a "better, nicer" house.  

In the midst of my "house is no good" crisis, a couple girlfriends came to visit for my birthday. They were awesome.  They reassured/convinced me that my house is actually great and making a home for a baby is not about some cute baby room.  Funny how quickly and dramatically I forgot that.  Girlfriends who can speak truth to you are the greatest!

That's the latest on baby Hartsfield!!  Can't wait for that sweet little thing to be a part of our family.

the day i developed a phobia

I have heard that you really see what people are like when they are stressed or going through a hard time.  If that is true, I have a lot of room for growth....

Ryan's brother Rhett came to India for the last month to visit us and of course we had to take him to see the Taj Mahal.  It IS one of the 7 wonders of the world.  We don't have the best track record in Agra.  Ryan and I have learned that touristy cities and especially touristy areas are not our favorite places to visit.  Everything is overpriced, you can't trust the people will take you where you ask them to take you(or at least not without first stopping at their friend's shop.), ect.  Anyways, Agra has just not had the best memories for us.  The Taj...AWESOME, the city...not our favorite.  
 However, this time our trip was so much more enjoyable.  Travel is much better when you speak the language.  We had a great time at the Taj and Agra Fort, enjoyed some great food, and all around had a good time.  

UNTIL... the train ride home. 

 I can't remember all the details and wouldn't share them on my blog anyway, but Ryan and I had gotten in argument.  The yucky kind where you feel hurt and mad all at the same time.   Rhett had just finished sitting on the steps of the train watching the beauty of India in monsoon season, jamming to his favorite tunes, when a man dressed head to toe in orange gets on the train.  

I notice him but don't think much of his arrival.  I have seen men dressed like him often and I think he is a Hindu holy man.  His presence on the train was neither out of the ordinary or alarming.  

After a few minutes, the man in orange stops at our seating area.  Our area has two bench seats facing each other big enough for three people to sit comfortably and then across the isle there is another bunk and a bunk above that facing us as well.  Everyone is facing everyone, aka everyone sees everything.  

I am sitting closest to the isle and the man in orange comes and stands very close to me with his basket.  I see money in it, but am trying to avoid eye contact when out of the corner of my eye I see something move in his basket.  Then I see black scales and a long tube like animal....it's a snake!!!  Let me just pause here.  I am not known to have any snake phobias, however the only times I have been around snakes there is always an escape route.  Not today.  Somehow in about 3 seconds I am on the other side of Ryan and whimpering, "it's a snake, get away, get away."  Ryan nicely asks the man to move on.  The man does not move on!  I am sure he stood there for at least 10 minutes pulling out his snake and asking for money(in reality is was probably less than two minutes, but you know how these things feel).  After, what seems like forever, Ryan aggressively stands up yells at the guy, "get out of here" (in Hindi) and all the other men in the bunk take Ryan's side and coax the snake man to move on as they stare at me wide eyed.  He finally leaves and I proceed to the farthest corner of the bunk and cry my eyes out and every time I look up, I see Indian men staring at me like I have lost my mind.  

Later after I have stopped bawling my eyes out, Rhett asked me if I was really afraid of snakes.  Poor guy, after living a month with us in India, I am sure he thinks his brother has the craziest wife on the planet!  His biggest disappointment about the whole ordeal was that the snake man moved when Ryan stood up.  He was wanting to get all up in the guys face or something with Ryan.  Boys are so weird.  

I am not sure what the requirements to diagnose yourself with a phobia happen to be, but I am pretty sure I developed one on that train ride.  I now hate snake with a passion!

Ryan has a much more elaborate story he has been telling our friends here in Kanpur in Hindi.  In his extended, imaginary version he stands up and grabs the snake and throws it out the window declaring, "I would sacrifice my life for you!!"  And I, in reply, declare him as my hero.  Again, boys are weird.  

When the rains come

After a long, hot summer the rains have come.  Ahhhh just the thought of it is refreshing and renewing.  The summers here are brutal.  Yes, I am from Texas and East Texas non of the less, so I know hot.  I know humid.  BUT, this is a whole new level I was not quite prepared for.  Not to mention that the area of town we live in is notorious for power outages.  On a good day our power would be out for 4-6 hours(in the heat of the day)...on a good day.. on a bad day or bad days...uggh lets not even talk about it.

In early May, our friends who work with us left.  The circumstances around their leaving are and were extremely difficult, and our hearts ache for them.  It felt like a blur as they planned to leave and tried to get all the ends tied up for the many months they would be gone.  R and I weren't expecting how hard it would be for us after they left.  It has definitely been a season of loneliness and reflection.  And the heat, oh the heat.  It made everything harder.  We felt so tired, drained, and cranky with each other.  It seemed that the weather was a perfect reflection of how I felt, dry and dusty.

We heard the rains were coming and we were excited.  There was a buzz in the city about the rains, yet they didn't come.  The humidity came and hovered like a thick haze over our city for about 2 weeks.  Everyone seemed to be miserably waiting in anticipation.  Our language helper told us God was angry because people were not walking the straight path(living right) and so God was not sending the rains.  In some ways it started to feel like that.

Then finally the clouds burst forth and the rains came.  It was glorious.  With the rains came cool weather and cool breezes.

 I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something extremely spiritual and healing happening in my soul since the rains have come.  The roads are muddy and wet, but the rain is so wonderful.  I love the smell of it, I love the sound of it, I love the way it makes the air feel cool and clean.

Is God powerful enough to withhold the rains, of course!!  Does he do it because he is angry and wants his children to suffer, no I don't think so.  Sometimes, it takes a dry season for our hearts to be ready for the rains.  I don't really know why and I don't really enjoy it, but there is one thing I know.  THE RAINS WILL COME.  So, whatever the dry season may be, whether literal or figurative, there is hope because the rain will always come.  Our God is good and I will trust that he will always bring the rain.   

Aggies are EVERYWHERE!

About a month ago, Ryan and I were roaming around a market that we often frequent.  We were honestly feeling pretty down and out and lonely about being the only Americans in our city for a while.  We did what we often do when feeling down, went and ate some ice cream.  :)  After leaving the new found treasure of an ice cream parlor(which we will visit again!), we walked to the road to grab a bicycle rickshaw.  To our left, also standing at the road, was a group of young westerners.

*Let me just say at this point that we are weirdos.  Sometimes at the mall we see Europeans and we just stare at them and discuss if we should approach them or not, usually we discuss it so long that they have walked away by the time we decide.  Anyways, we are weird now.*

I nudge Ryan on the arm and say, "look!!  should we go talk to them."  As we stand there thinking, I hear a voice behind me in a melodic American accent say, "Hey, where are YALL from?"  I turn around and see a man who looks like an Indian(his parents grew up in India, but he has lived his whole life in Texas) speaking to me in an American(maybe even Texan accent).  I think I stare for a few moments in confusion before saying, "America".  The rest of the group(there are 6 of them) make their way over to us and tell us they are also from America.  They are studying for the summer at the prestigious IIT Kanpur that is located just outside of our city.  If you are interested in learning about IITK go here.  These people are SMART!!

The whole meeting gets even crazier when they tell us what university they are from.....TEXAS A&M!!!  No way, that is where Ryan went to school.  We have just "randomly" bumped into a group of aerospace engineers(and one literature) majors from A&M...AGGIES in Kanpur!!

There was also another girl with them named Victoria who has been on a Fulbright scholarship from Princeton at IITK.  She is a civil engineer. Really like this girl!!  Sad we met her at the end of her time here in Kanpur, but it is amazing how God puts people in your life when you need them.  So, even though we just got to hang out a few times, I am so thankful for her!  Hoping she will miss Kanpur so much that she won't be able to stay away to long.....

We all return to the ice cream shop to chat a little bit and reminisce about Chuys, Chipotle, Rudys, and other wonderful Texas things :)

Apparently, A&M and IITK have just recently set up an exchange program during the summers.  So, we look forward to seeing who comes out here in the future, and if you are an Aggie you should look into it :)

Life is so crazy :)

Journey to Baby Hartsfield

After what seems like an extremely long time of researching, praying, and emailing we are on our way to becoming a family of 3!!  This past week we sent in our application and application fee to start the process of adoption to bring our son or daughter home.

We don't know a lot of details at this point.  We should hear back from the agency within the week about if we have been approved.  The director of the agency said our application looked great but our income looked a little on the low end.  From an American stand point, I suppose it is on the low end.  I guess we live pretty simply, but it felt really weird to hear because compared to our neighbors and friends here we have an over abundance of wealth.  It's a weird tension....

So we are praying that isn't a hinderance.  Countries have guidelines you have to meet in order to adopt, so that is why it could be a concern.

A few questions you may be asking:

1.  Why are you adopting??
  Click here for the details.

2.  Are you adopting from India?
   No, not for our first child at least.  We don't think this is the best option for us right now.  Also talk a little about that at the above mentioned post.

3.  Where are you adopting from?
   It is narrowed down pretty well, but still waiting to hear back from our application to be sure about the country.  Most likely our child will be from the Balkan region.

4.  Are you adopting a boy or girl?
  We don't care, at all!!!

5.  How old will the child be?
  Since this will be our first kid, we are wanting to adopt a 2 yr old or younger.

6.  Can you not have kids?
  Honestly, we don't know.  We haven't tried that route of family building yet...  Ever since R and I were engaged we have felt like God wanted us to grow our family through adoption.  This doesn't mean we  are opposed to having biological kids, it just means we know God is leading us to this now and we try to follow him as he leads step by step.  I'm really trying to not plan ahead of God, if you know what I mean!!(Not always easy, and I'm not even a planner!!  I'm an ENFP for those Myers Brigs nerds who like to know that kind of thing, obviously I am among the nerds.)

7.  Do we feel prepared for this?
   Ummm, no way!!  Did we feel prepared for moving to India, no way!!  But, seriously we do feel like this is the time to start this journey and are really excited.  I do feel freaked out wondering how long and how tedious this process will be, esp from a different country.

8.  How long until you will get your child?
  This is the question every parent would love to know!  The website for our agency says around 18 months.  There are so many variable to that, even more because we live in India...so who knows!?!  We are praying it will be a smooth and quick process which in our mind means a year to year and a half.  Don't know how realistic this is.....but it is what we are praying for with persistence.



So yep, we are expecting and we are excited ;)

surviving

When I first moved to Greece in a few years back, I remember sitting in a meeting with one of the leaders of our organization.  He talked to me about the difference between thriving and surviving in a new culture.  That talk has stuck with me, especially now that we are living in a culture that is even more different than Greece was.

This past week has been a roller coaster for me(which unfortunately means for Ryan also :( ....  One day I feel total peace about being here.  I feel pumped for another day of language, excited to figure out how to make life work here, and long to be a blessing to our community.  Then the next day I will wake up and feel like I have been smacked in the face with how different everything is and the thought of sleeping all day and watching netflix sounds more appealing than the thought of leaving my apartment.

It seems as if I have been in the surviving stage for much to long.  I want to skip all this and get on with the thriving, the doing.  I know God has lead us here for a reason and I want to get to it!  Do you ever feel that way? Like, all the details of your heart changing and becoming more humble and patient are slowing you down when you want to get on to the important stuff!!  Yeah, that is how I feel.  I know God is using all this to humble me, but I am going down kicking and screaming.  I am not a quick learner and most people probably wouldn't describe humility one of my highest attributes.  It's not really an character trait I have longed for...I(honestly) don't pick up books on humility when I want a good read.  HOWEVER, God seems to think it is a very important thing and Jesus took the most humble form possible and walked in constant humility.

So, I am realizing how not Christ-like I really am.  It is not a fun process, but a good and purifying one.  I would love your prayers in this.  I think it is going to be a long, character changing process and under all my pride and selfishness, I do really long for my life to glorify God.

Right now, still in the surviving stage.  Not sure what the thriving stage will look or feel like, or if I will even know when I am in it.  But, I will cling to the fact that God is a good and loving Father and Jesus has inaugurated(yes, I have been reading N.T. Wright lately :), a new kingdom of light and peace.  I am also pretty sure that kingdom will be full of humble people.